Tautological Dom is tautological.
My ability to exert control on my wife/sub is in direct proportion to my ability to exert control on myself. As I let things slide with myself, things then seem to slide with her. I need to set clear goals for myself and follow them so that I can then set goals for her and us.
So it comes down to me. As I want to influence others I need to influence myself first.
That's not to say that I can't do both at the same time. It is just that I know my effectiveness is directly related to my ability to self-control me.
With that, I'm setting a public goal of spanking my wife every day whether or not I know she deserves it because she probably does.
Just kidding. I am setting a goal of losing 20 lbs by Christmas. That is 20 lbs in 110 days (give or take a day). That is just under one pound every 5 days. The food journaling will become consistent and the exercise will resume. I've already started my wife on this path and it is only fair that I lead her the rest of the way there.
So while this is generally a D/s blog, I'm going to ramble about weight loss from time to time as well as this is a place where I can do that. I'll warn readers when it is a weight loss post from now on.
And as for the self-discipline in order to discipline train of thought, my wife has earned herself a bit of correction today. Actually she earned it last night in failing to post her daily summary to me. We'll have a little corrective discipline and discussion of why she is required to do so and we'll move forward.
She might even blog about it after the fact.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Looking forward to this weekend
My queensub and I are going away this weekend. No kids or dog, no work or responsibility, just time together in a hotel and a tourist town. We'll see a movie or a show, have a couple meals out and some nice breakfasts in and since I am in charge, there will be much sexual play.
I am going to pamper my pet on Friday by way of a mani-pedi, making sure her nails get the deep red color I so love. I'll drive the almost 3 hour round-trip with her to drop off the boys Friday evening. Saturday morning we'll pack up my vehicle and head towards our destination enjoying a lunch at a place she will love. We'll check in to our hotel and engage in some light play for the evening. We'll have a light dinner in there somewhere.
Sunday is going to be "play slave" day for my darling wife. She will have to ask permission for most everything and make her body available to me in any and every way I ask. We'll have a made-to-order breakfast and a light lunch that day. Much time will be spent in our room. Sunday evening will be a treat out. My little slavegirl will likely blush once or twice while we're out but I'm sure she'll have a great time.
Monday morning will be another made-to-order breakfast (a perk of the hotel) and the last of our hotel sex. We'll return home early afternoon and bask in the afterglow.
If I am able to pull off half of what I envision for this weekend, my darling wife should feel more loved and cherished than before we started the weekend. (and she'll likely be a little sore too *weg*)
I am going to pamper my pet on Friday by way of a mani-pedi, making sure her nails get the deep red color I so love. I'll drive the almost 3 hour round-trip with her to drop off the boys Friday evening. Saturday morning we'll pack up my vehicle and head towards our destination enjoying a lunch at a place she will love. We'll check in to our hotel and engage in some light play for the evening. We'll have a light dinner in there somewhere.
Sunday is going to be "play slave" day for my darling wife. She will have to ask permission for most everything and make her body available to me in any and every way I ask. We'll have a made-to-order breakfast and a light lunch that day. Much time will be spent in our room. Sunday evening will be a treat out. My little slavegirl will likely blush once or twice while we're out but I'm sure she'll have a great time.
Monday morning will be another made-to-order breakfast (a perk of the hotel) and the last of our hotel sex. We'll return home early afternoon and bask in the afterglow.
If I am able to pull off half of what I envision for this weekend, my darling wife should feel more loved and cherished than before we started the weekend. (and she'll likely be a little sore too *weg*)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
First rule
I'm "taking it slowly" with my darling Queensub. Part of me would like to make up a large laundry list of things she should and shouldn't do along with ways to please me and improve herself and so on. However, my four decades on the planet have taught me a little wisdom and I'm going to take baby-steps to reach my ultimate goal of having my wife be the best she can be for me while I become the best I can be for her.
To that end, I've started with a simple d/s-type rule that is very minor, but easy to follow and easy to enforce / punish for missing. I figure it will give us some early successes and encourage our progress. The rule is simply that my beautiful bride must respond with her eyes closed and her mouth half open when I fist my hand in her hair and pull back, with her ready to receive the deep kiss I will be planting on those succulent lips of hers.
The rule is mostly for me, as it puts me in a very "Dom" type headspace. I hope it has a similar effect on her over time in that it will act as a signal to bring her to a more submissive place in her thoughts. She is a wonderful submissive and I just need to harness that more frequently.
To that end, I've started with a simple d/s-type rule that is very minor, but easy to follow and easy to enforce / punish for missing. I figure it will give us some early successes and encourage our progress. The rule is simply that my beautiful bride must respond with her eyes closed and her mouth half open when I fist my hand in her hair and pull back, with her ready to receive the deep kiss I will be planting on those succulent lips of hers.
The rule is mostly for me, as it puts me in a very "Dom" type headspace. I hope it has a similar effect on her over time in that it will act as a signal to bring her to a more submissive place in her thoughts. She is a wonderful submissive and I just need to harness that more frequently.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Upcoming vacation
QueenSub and I have a weekend coming up where we get to go away and stay in a nice hotel and just enjoy one another. As our weeks are about to get all school crazy again, this will be a nice respite before the storm. I am purposing to bring the D/s aspect of our relationship up a level by/during this weekend.
To that end, I am going to be assigning my darling wife/sub a daily task of some form beginning tomorrow and leading up to said weekend. My goal is to have her in a more subspace headspace than she would be without said tasks. I'm not envisioning a gorean slavegirl or any such silliness based on 10 days of assignments, simply a wife who is a tad more submissive on the 26th than she is on 15th.
This will also require me to "step up my game" as well. I get a rush out of dominating my wife, but too often fall into a mushy "whatever you'd like" kind of place. That isn't to say that I won't continue to take her desires and needs into account, but rather that I need to get my thinking going in a more dominant direction.
I want to train my lovely bride to be more submissive because in doing so, I will train myself to be more dominant. I KNOW she craves this and I know that I'll enjoy the fruits of such labor moreso than not.
To that end, I am going to be assigning my darling wife/sub a daily task of some form beginning tomorrow and leading up to said weekend. My goal is to have her in a more subspace headspace than she would be without said tasks. I'm not envisioning a gorean slavegirl or any such silliness based on 10 days of assignments, simply a wife who is a tad more submissive on the 26th than she is on 15th.
This will also require me to "step up my game" as well. I get a rush out of dominating my wife, but too often fall into a mushy "whatever you'd like" kind of place. That isn't to say that I won't continue to take her desires and needs into account, but rather that I need to get my thinking going in a more dominant direction.
I want to train my lovely bride to be more submissive because in doing so, I will train myself to be more dominant. I KNOW she craves this and I know that I'll enjoy the fruits of such labor moreso than not.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Last night - First night back
When we first got together as adults, we were a part of a fairly vibrant BDSM scene in our city. When we moved to our current location, there was no such scene to be found and we lost a good portion of our time to "play". I am a fairly strong voyeur and also enjoy displaying my wife in public. Without that available to us here, our play declined to a sad couple times a year.
When we do play, we use soft sensations, light flogging, mild bondage, medium flogging and liberal use of bamboo rug beaters. Music often drives the tempo and adds to the scene. Sex will sometimes follow or be a part of such play most often taking the form of manual stimulation of my wife.
Last night was such an occasion. We had already planned to have a play date on our last night without kids for a few weeks. After she indicated a desire to return to our D/s past, I thought I would take the scene a little bit further than I would have otherwise.
I got the table and toys out and had her lie on her front-side with only her panties on. I started her out with her favorite buffalo hide flog (60-ish 20-inch long 1/4"-wide falls) all up and down her back and ass. After she was sufficiently warmed up I switched to my hands for a while. I focused primarily on her ass and spanked her until it was a light rose and mildly warm. As I went to change toys, I tickled her gently for a minute or two with the feather duster toy. I transitioned to the rug beaters and went to town on her back and ass. The rhythmic sound those make is great and they vary nicely between light sting and deep thud depending on how I strike her with them. A bit more hand spanking and kneading followed while I worked her panties into her moistening slit.
With that I couldn't resist moving panties aside and beginning the pussy play. Let me stop and say that I absolutely LOVE making my wife cum. We discovered years ago that she can get to an ejaculating orgasm with enough warm up and relaxation. The upside is that they are very powerful deep orgasms for her. The minor downside (only in a real-world after the scene is over sort of way) is that her ejaculate is voluminous. The first time it happened, it was on a tile floor and it spread out over a good 5-6 square feet. Needless to say, if I think our regular sex is heading that way, sheets will be changed as there is no avoiding THAT wet spot.
So my finger began its probing into her soft folds, teasing her clit and then plunging inside. The slightly rougher patch behind her clit (aka the "G"-spot) was my ultimate destination. As she was still on her belly it ended up just being a couple good orgasms due to a "doggy-style" type finger fucking. I instructed her to roll-over on her back as I was done with the beating and wanted to reach the "squirty-gasms". With her neck and nipples available to my mouth and other hand I began the build with a deliberate slowness. My wife's hips are a great indicator of her arousal level as they go from rock steady when not aroused to headbanging rocking when she is close to release. I use this to torture her from time to time with instructions on keeping still while I arouse her. This was not one of those nights.
I let her ride the waves over and over again as I continued my assault on her nipples with my mouth and tongue and pinching fingers. Her first squirty-gasm hit and was accompanied by her musical moaning hitting a delicious crescendo. I love the music her moans make in time with my efforts. It continued like this 5-6 more times with the last one requiring lube as the ejaculate, while wet, has the lubricating properties of water. She gave me one more gift of submission in her final orgasm as I knew she was approaching "too sore" but wasn't there quite yet. She also showed restraint in her actions throughout the night as she didn't try blocking my access to her nipples. (which I have a near unhealthy obsession with - I mean if you saw them you would understand. I like to say I am a big fan of her F.A.Ns (Fucking awesome nipples))
She near dozed on the table as I turned off the music and set the toys aside. We rinsed in the shower and fell to sleep fairly quickly thereafter. But the embers had been poked and given some more fuel and air. There will be some more fire to come.
When we do play, we use soft sensations, light flogging, mild bondage, medium flogging and liberal use of bamboo rug beaters. Music often drives the tempo and adds to the scene. Sex will sometimes follow or be a part of such play most often taking the form of manual stimulation of my wife.
Last night was such an occasion. We had already planned to have a play date on our last night without kids for a few weeks. After she indicated a desire to return to our D/s past, I thought I would take the scene a little bit further than I would have otherwise.
I got the table and toys out and had her lie on her front-side with only her panties on. I started her out with her favorite buffalo hide flog (60-ish 20-inch long 1/4"-wide falls) all up and down her back and ass. After she was sufficiently warmed up I switched to my hands for a while. I focused primarily on her ass and spanked her until it was a light rose and mildly warm. As I went to change toys, I tickled her gently for a minute or two with the feather duster toy. I transitioned to the rug beaters and went to town on her back and ass. The rhythmic sound those make is great and they vary nicely between light sting and deep thud depending on how I strike her with them. A bit more hand spanking and kneading followed while I worked her panties into her moistening slit.
With that I couldn't resist moving panties aside and beginning the pussy play. Let me stop and say that I absolutely LOVE making my wife cum. We discovered years ago that she can get to an ejaculating orgasm with enough warm up and relaxation. The upside is that they are very powerful deep orgasms for her. The minor downside (only in a real-world after the scene is over sort of way) is that her ejaculate is voluminous. The first time it happened, it was on a tile floor and it spread out over a good 5-6 square feet. Needless to say, if I think our regular sex is heading that way, sheets will be changed as there is no avoiding THAT wet spot.
So my finger began its probing into her soft folds, teasing her clit and then plunging inside. The slightly rougher patch behind her clit (aka the "G"-spot) was my ultimate destination. As she was still on her belly it ended up just being a couple good orgasms due to a "doggy-style" type finger fucking. I instructed her to roll-over on her back as I was done with the beating and wanted to reach the "squirty-gasms". With her neck and nipples available to my mouth and other hand I began the build with a deliberate slowness. My wife's hips are a great indicator of her arousal level as they go from rock steady when not aroused to headbanging rocking when she is close to release. I use this to torture her from time to time with instructions on keeping still while I arouse her. This was not one of those nights.
I let her ride the waves over and over again as I continued my assault on her nipples with my mouth and tongue and pinching fingers. Her first squirty-gasm hit and was accompanied by her musical moaning hitting a delicious crescendo. I love the music her moans make in time with my efforts. It continued like this 5-6 more times with the last one requiring lube as the ejaculate, while wet, has the lubricating properties of water. She gave me one more gift of submission in her final orgasm as I knew she was approaching "too sore" but wasn't there quite yet. She also showed restraint in her actions throughout the night as she didn't try blocking my access to her nipples. (which I have a near unhealthy obsession with - I mean if you saw them you would understand. I like to say I am a big fan of her F.A.Ns (Fucking awesome nipples))
She near dozed on the table as I turned off the music and set the toys aside. We rinsed in the shower and fell to sleep fairly quickly thereafter. But the embers had been poked and given some more fuel and air. There will be some more fire to come.
The passive Dom?
There are times when I fail to lead. I acquiesce to my sub/wife's desires or inclinations due to a lack of direction on my part which ends up ultimately frustrating us both. She craves a framework and direction from me as well as my focused planning and attention. When I default to my "just go with it" mentality she gets frustrated and becomes less in tune with who and what I want her / us to be.
There is a part of me that could so easily be a switch and enjoy submitting to a loving domme. However, my lovely bride is not terribly dominating. She can do a lovely scene once in a while, but her default position is one of obedience and submission. When I focus on my dominating side and fully get into that headspace, I love the dynamic we share. She is such a WONDERFUL sub when I am domming that it creates a powerful feedback loop between us.
The onus is on me therefore to slip into my role more often than not. She is willing to return to what we had in the past and has so very accurately described the lack in our relationship due to our "lost" dynamic.
She started her blog last night and intends to continue to use it to remain focused on her side of the D/s lifestyle that we both thrive in. I am using her initiative to act as a kick in my pants to go back to being her loving Dom in addition to the loving husband I already was. We will both be better for it.
There is a part of me that could so easily be a switch and enjoy submitting to a loving domme. However, my lovely bride is not terribly dominating. She can do a lovely scene once in a while, but her default position is one of obedience and submission. When I focus on my dominating side and fully get into that headspace, I love the dynamic we share. She is such a WONDERFUL sub when I am domming that it creates a powerful feedback loop between us.
The onus is on me therefore to slip into my role more often than not. She is willing to return to what we had in the past and has so very accurately described the lack in our relationship due to our "lost" dynamic.
She started her blog last night and intends to continue to use it to remain focused on her side of the D/s lifestyle that we both thrive in. I am using her initiative to act as a kick in my pants to go back to being her loving Dom in addition to the loving husband I already was. We will both be better for it.
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